Originally published September 2, 2015
I am so glad we were spared having to watch the entirety of the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) on Sunday night. We haven't had a TV in two years, and haven't missed much. But I was not spared the news clips of the event that appeared first thing Monday - especially of Miley Cyrus' clothes (or lack thereof) and her language (thank goodness for the 5-second delay), and Nicky Minaj's "pum pum" song (I thought I knew what that meant, as she tapped her vagina repeatedly during the number, and a quick trip to Urbandictionary.com, confirmed my submission), and their catfight sparred from across the auditorium (I guess they really aren't that grown up). It was like a wreck - once I started looking, I couldn't look away. So I YouTubed Nicki's videos, and crawled through Miley's Instagram. What is going on here? I like to post pictures to illustrate what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to post anything I've looked at this week. I'm too embarrassed because my mother reads this blog. So you'll have to look them up yourself, or just take my word for it. Am I just old? Or is this ok? Nicki's lyrics are blatantly about drugs, dominating sex, sex as commerce, and designer clothes and handbags as status symbols. Miley blatantly sings about smoking pot, casual sex and the vegan lifestyle. And she wears as little clothes as possible whenever possible. Her favorite shirt is two pasties. I am the MTV generation. It started in 1984, when I was in 8th/9th grade. It was created for me. I remember Madonna rolling around on the stage in a wedding dress at one of the very first VMAs. It was ground breaking. So I get it. People thought Elvis was scandalous for moving his hips. Ed Sullivan would only show his face. So every generation has to take it up a notch. Right? We had to examine "Stairway to Heaven," you know? Someone had to tell me it was about drugs. There's no question as to what those songs are about! I spent about 4 years at the YWCA in Greenville; our mission was to: Empower Women and Eliminate Racism. Are these young women doing that? I have two schools of thought about it: 1. These girls are examining and establishing their power, not in a dissimilar way to the way men have exerted power for years. Before you think I'm going to hate on white men, I'm not. My usual precursor to this line of thought is: I love men. Men are important. Men are necessary. I've married two of them. What I mean is, these women are powerful because they are doing what they want, and how they want to. They are not beholden to any of societies rules of decorum, modesty or place. They are going to do what, who and when they want to. Men have done that for years. They are pushing their limits, and in turn, pushing ours. What is acceptable? What is not? What is hurtful? What is not? 2. and that leads me to my second thought: This is hurtful to women, and it is in fact, not empowering. It is degrading and demeaning, to think that to exert your power you have to show your breasts, bare your butt, sell your sex and be publicly on drugs. All of those things actually take your power and give it to the men who leer at you and the drug dealers who take your money. This cannot end well for them. Nicki and Mylie had a catfight across the auditorium on live television in the middle of the broadcast. Ugly names were called and accusations laid about rumors and gossip. Just what girls are known for, right? We call it "Mean Girls," after the 2004 movie that articulated, validated and modeled mean girl behavior. Mylie and Nicki modeled it, as do dozens of reality shows these days. (Once again, glad we don't have a TV. Admittedly, we did watch the "Housewives" series until I couldn't take the drunken meanness anymore) This kind of behavior among women is not ok. But it's not the first time women have bitched at/about one another: "But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." 41But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke: 10:40-42
Martha had the gall to complain to Jesus. Jesus does clarify that what Mary is doing is ok. She doesn't have to be busy all the time, and can in fact, take time to listen. I've always been the Martha sort, myself.
So women have a Biblical history of not being nice to one another. But Jesus intervened, and told her to accept Mary's behavior - that it was good and worthy, too.
Isabel is playing her first team sport at St. Andrews. It's one of the reasons she decided to come. As we are not athletic people, her chances of playing at a large public high school were slim. But I knew, from my YWCA days, that team sports add so much more to a girl's life than just athletic skill. Why hadn't I pushed her to play before now? A couple of seasons in church basketball league proved that you do have to have some athletic desire, as least, and Isabel lacked that, until now. We'll call her a late bloomer. Just this summer at the beach, she was complaining about sweating. Now she revels in it. Team sports provide an atmosphere in which girls support one another. A ball gets shanked, the other team scores, the girls gather around, pat each other on the back, nod their heads, murmur affirmation, and try it again. Isabel comes home from every game, every practice, with a list of things she did well, things she did for the first time, and things she needs to get better at. Are the coaches hard on them? Yes. Do they demand that they do better? Yes. And the girls respond in agreement and support of each other, of the last girl to run the stairs, of the last pushup, of the last situp, of the shot missed, of the serve shanked. And they scream and cheer for the kill shot, the ace serve, and the volley point won. No matter what is happening, they are in support of one another, not in war against each other.
Pre-game huddle, right.
I met a boarding student last night who said she wanted to come to a school with an arts focus, and a supportive environment, where she said girls were nice to each other and lifted one another up. It's her first time playing volleyball, and she is struggling. But she was all smiles and ready to play again. Isabel put her arm around her and encouraged her. Isabel grew up watching Hannah Montana. Who, if you don't know, is Miley Cyrus' break-out role on the Disney channel, where she played herself, and her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, played her dad. In typical Disney fashion, the mom was dead (what happened to Walt?), and there were shenanigans abounding. I watched every single episode with Isabel, so I knew what she was watching, and we discussed the shenanigans. She is not as impressed with Miley's shenanigans today, and doesn't seem interested in following her path of over-sexed and druggy insurrectionist. She does complain that her new volleyball uniform shorts are ridiculously long - a point on which I will beg to differ - but I'll take that argument all day long over Miley and Nicki.
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